Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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