I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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