I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
