Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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