Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
