My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
