I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
