It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
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Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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