I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
