i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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