based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
