omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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