I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
