Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize