we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
