I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire