So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!