Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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