just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
