i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
