Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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