Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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