Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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