Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
