i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
