You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
