I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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