Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
