Jerry, you need to find god
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
