I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
