did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
