You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
