I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
