If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
