every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize