I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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