After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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