in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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