my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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