Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
