Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
