We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
where am i from again
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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