Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
