when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize