Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think i have two assholes
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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