you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
cat food counts as protein by the way
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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