Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
