guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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