I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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