your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
