i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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