my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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