I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
