Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Be still, my beating vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
