I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
