I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
