what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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