If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
