I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
